To any of those who have ever struggled with the bottle, have danced with that devil, and have marched, are marching, or want to begin marching in another direction, you’ve been on my mind lately, and for a while… I feel you… I really do…
It’s brought a lot of hell on my world, and the worlds of many others I’ve known over the years… At this stage in my life – I’ve begun to care more about people, certainly those who do battle with demons day to day – and while I have my own busload of them to fight – watching other people hurt seems to hit me harder these days.
If you’re trying to change and can’t find a way out – or have found your way out and work daily to stay there – just know that I get it. I’m rooting for you. I sat down to write some spoken word about the subject – mostly for me – but then realized that I had been wanting to write some stuff about this for a while – so I figured I share it with you.
I’m at a personal high point with myself – which is always a tough spot to be in – particularly when I’m at a really low point with a lot of others… I’ve never been more disappointed in other people than I am right now. But this too shall pass…
I didn’t write about this for a while because I feared the criticism – and the shit that I might have to listen to… But when you get to feeling like I do about anyone who might be doing the criticizing – It gets pretty easy to tell those people to go get FKed.
I’d rather take my chances on helping a brother out…
So I started writing last night – this is what came out…
The Bottle…
Hey you – it’s you know who.
Can you please tell me why no matter what
I still love you? Can’t quit you?
Lose my sense of place over time
And come back to hit you?
Why I constantly long to stare down inside you
Looking for answers to all the bullshit that we both do?
When we mix
It’s a bag of tricks
Poured out everywhere into a puddle full of shit
that we can never fix
And yet we try again, to fly high, ride or die
Until we’re both sick.
And yet we never learn
Through all the years, tears, and fears
Hand in hand at every turn
Forever as we both yearn
To hold on tight all through the night
Sit back to watch the world burn.
By now, why don’t you know me?
Do you think that you still owe me?
Pissed off that I only trusted you
As far as you could throw me?
Mad that I finally took you by the neck
And told you to fucking blow me?
Angry that I woke up
And saw that I had been possessed?
Smooth-talked by the velvet tongue
That reached inside me like they did the rest?
Mad that my madness for you
I can no longer true confess?
Wondering how I made it
Through the years of wreckage and the lies?
To see the dawn, a new day
To above it all – begin to rise?
Don’t think that I can see you hiding
Through an old pair of fresh eyes?
Nah, you ain’t that lucky motherfucker
Step aside…
MSS – 2022